" This day's black fate on more days doth depend:

This but begins the woe others must end. "

Does it matter?

It doesn't, right?
If I'm a hero
If I'm Morrigan
I still....can't even defeat myself

Tell me.
Does it matter If I go, say
I'm superman??
NO
Why?
'Coz it doesn't make sense
How can I go, save the world
WHEN I CAN'T EVEN SAVE MYSELF!
DAMMIT...dammit...dam you

It feels good having no audience while you do a soliloquy

But it feels bad while you do the dying....

The Minotaur in Me

Leave me in my sweet solitude
Untouched by the rays of light
While I'm cleaning up after this crude,
Savage monster's alcohol fight

I'm enslaving myself
In this desolate highway
Where no one seems to stop by
And say 'hey by the way'

It's alright. I can live on my own
LIterally and metaphorically blown
By this minotaur I keep inside me
Alone and beaten. But let it be

You know what makes an invincible,
UNdefeatable enemy of all times?

Well, I do

I keep telling myself NOT to drink again...but here I am now..

cuddling hangover like an infant. I seem to be singing it to sleep but I'm murdering it stealthily. Before I trod infront of this pc set, I've readied it's banes: lemon-squeezed, honeyed tea (with a couple of ice cubes actually, I somewhat figured that I'm gonna puke it out , i'm not a tea-drinker though I try to be), a piece of banana freshly plucked from it's homestead, a saucer of vitamins from A to C. Of course with the complete numbered B's in between.LOL.

                  I know I'm never going to feel that way again. That distinct moment wherein I've felt more alive than as usual. It was like that third dimension I sliced my way through after I slit hangovers throat a week of two ago (It's getting hard recalling everything i did. If I daresay, I've been kinda drunk for the past three years). I'm an alcoholic. A JUVENILE (!!) alcoholic. I'm searching for that utterly beautiful state at which point, (though how much it feels like infinity, it was not. But alas! some infities are smaller than other infinities) in a few hours, I'm everything I want to be. For once in my life, I am enough. For the love of G-d, I am caught dead with a smile of a bon vivant's. Which is, terrifying and scary since I am a self-destroying creature. I'm not a dream come true or a masterpiece. I am a ship-wreck , so I'm thinking why the hell do I feel that sensation? I am slowly contemplating on how I don't deserve it. But everyone deserves to be happy, isn't that this beautiful lie they advertise everywhere? from embroidered pillowcases that says inspirational words to the internet?

                       Here are the reasons why I drink: I'm forced to, I need to(yes, it's NEED I'm talking of, pretty reckless huh?), I want to. The first two need not be explained any further. The third is what should be at stake. Though it's lame and crazy to say that I'm forced to and then say I want to. It's sorta criminal 'cuz I'm technically only placing 3 words to part them. It's like Im gonna get zero on parallelism. Anyway, It's because my health-conscious self is battling against my adventurer self. That self that I'm utilizing right now. This pirate in me. This rennaisance artist wannabe. I have no chance on this one. I'm practically AGES late. And I'm quite too low on dexterity. From the looks of it, I'm not Shakespeare. I'm not da Vinci. Not Michelangelo. I am just Aemillia Alastair Wingman. The dawn treader. The wanderlusting shrapnel. The sunset flier daring to chase the sun just 'cause it slows down time. It's true, time slows down when you're moving fast. I have this secret ambition to live forever. If one lives forever, there's no need to fear oblivion because you will always be a living legend. You will always be alive in the heads and hearts of many and you will always be alive literally also. But life as we know it, loses it's spark when it's open-ended. I guess what makes life valuable is 'cause it comes and then suddenly it goes. That's what makes it amazing. That's the sole reason why life is worthy to be lavished, why try we must to live happily. Anyway, I feel like I'm not capable of living happily without that third dimension I mentioned earlier. But then, It's just a feeling. No one knows yet. Here's someone already knows, I fear oblivion. The kind of oblivion fear that is not direct, not obvious but if you delve deeper, find logic in my shallow, everyday fears, you'll know that it is the fear of oblivion. The fear of being unremembered. I can live with this fear. I can live with faults as countless as stars in me. But what I cant live with is..... happiness

I'm not a love-child

I'm not born out of wedlock !